Absolutely Kitten
by Lieutenant-Hawkaye
Summary: River brings home a surprise. Quill isn't too keen, what is she meant to do with a cat? All it takes is a stick, a few hours alone and a head for procrastination to find out - and to be on Matteusz's friends list on Facebook.


Quill was starting to worry.

Of course, she would never admit to it, not even if she was being tortured by the Shadow Kin. God knows why they would be torturing that out of her but you never quite knew with shadows.

She knew she was worrying, not because she was used to it – it had been a long while since she had experienced it properly – but because she vaguely remembered the symptoms. The restlessness. The heart-racing. And the hope that River would come home safe and soon.

Thankfully, after only a few more minutes of staring at the front door willing it to open with River behind it, and mug tapping, her mind was put to rest. (She noted that she needed to stop the mug tapping as soon as possible, it was an annoying habit and it made her want to punch something. Hard.)

The door was unlocked and a cold, dishevelled River Song walked into the house. Quill practically jumped up from the table to greet her, but stopped dead when she was less than a foot away from her.

"Where the hell have you been?" She thought it was best to hide her worry with anger, at least she knew anger was something she could do.

"Hello to you too. You're beginning to remind me of the guards at Storm Cage. Just as good looking, but far more intelligent." She laughed and leant over to kiss Quill, who readily accepted.

"I'm more experienced In the prisoner area, but I'll give you the intelligence part. What's in the box?" She moved some of River's wind-swept hair from her face and looked at the animal carrier she was holding.

She gestured toward the table and placed the box on top of it. She opened the front and stepped away, pulling Quill gently with her. The pair watched, one patiently, the other slightly confused and very relieved to have her girlfriend back.

"What are we waiting for?" Quill finally said, a little on the loud side.

"Ssh! Don't scare him." River whispered back. She put her finger over her lips to reinforce her point, and winked.

After the third painfully long minute since the wink something finally happened.

A tiny, velvety black nose popped out from the darkness of the carrier, sniffing the air with some gusto. A set of wiggling whiskers soon followed, along with a set of blue eyes that rivalled Quill's in iciness. Quill's only won because these eyes were the type of ice you would skate on with your friends in the winter, whereas hers were the type you would wish your enemies would fall on and break their necks.

A paw emerged into the light, then another. The nose still sniffing, the rest of the creature detached itself from the shadows in the box and sat itself on the table.

Quill moved toward the table and crouched before the animal sat nonchalantly inspecting its new surroundings. She stared at it intently, trying to guess its next move.

"River, why have you brought this into our home?" She whispered, trying not to alarm the animal.

"'This', as you put it, is a kitten, a baby cat if you like. He has come to live with us." A hand stretched in front of Quill's face and stroked the 'kitten', then it started making a strange rumbling noise.

That was it. She jumped up, grabbed her mug off the table and backed away.

"What is it saying?" She had retreated to behind her kitchen island, the mug gripped mercilessly in her hand. If you listened closely you could hear the bonds between the molecules in the porcelain break, luckily not enough to actually break it since River only bought her the mug a few days ago.

She had encountered these 'cats' a few times before. Strange things, just sitting and staring at everything and nothing in particular. One even came up to her and tried to rub up against her leg. It didn't succeed, she kicked it away before it could it, god knows what it would've done if she had let it.

She just never expected to see one inside.

"This noise? He's purring, it means he's happy." River smirked, she was beginning to wonder if she had made a mistake by calling Quill intelligent. She tickled the kitten under his chin and he flopped onto his back.

"Oh, of course, obviously." She relaxed and let go of the mug – if it could have sighed, it would have done.

Tentatively, she walked toward the table and stood next to River. She let her hand be guided to kitten's oh-so-soft tummy fur. As she touched it, her icy eyes began to melt or she was tearing up. Unfortunately, I couldn't tell you which it was since she wouldn't admit to either.

However, I managed to get her to admit that her opinion of these tiny, furry creatures was beginning to change while her fingers trailed through the softness of his coat. She actually stroked him contentedly for a little while, letting him purr and move slightly so she could scratch elsewhere to change things up.

Then he decided to return the favour with his claws.

She had half expected this, not this exactly but something was bound to go wrong. Nothing that nice ever happened for long, she knew that quite well. Bitterly, she brushed the kitten from her hand and began sucking on the weeping scratches she had obtained from his tiny, needle-like claws.

"Quill, are you okay? He certainly lives up to his name." River gently took her maimed hand and inspected the scratches. She fished a plaster from her bag and put it over the worse of the wounds with a kiss for good measure.

"I'm fine. I assure you I've been attacked by much worse." She shook her head slightly, let's not think about that now. The second part of what her girlfriend said had just settled into her brain. "Wait, you've give it a name? Is 'Little Shit' not good enough?"

"I am assured. Of course I named him, he's part of the family now, I believe we will be calling him that too." She picked the kitten up and sat him on her shoulder. His blue eyes looked around with wonder, as if his perspective of the word had changed in more than just the physical sense.

"I hope the Prince and Matteusz are allergic." Quill muttered, she hoped that it was as bad as people made it out to be, and she was interested how a Rhodian would react to an animal such as this. The dull throb in her head confirmed that the Ahn knew where she was going with this thought train and decided to tell her so.

"Alright, what have you named the thing."

"INK." River said it very deliberately. Saying each letter individually, obviously very pleased with herself.

"Ink, River, are mocking me? I've already had one too many jokes made by the dim-witted teachers at the school and-"

"Only partially, I promise. Well, he is black and it is an acronym for something." INK walked across the back of River's neck to see if the view was any different on the other shoulder – he was sorely disappointed.

"I know I'm going to regret this, what does it stand for?" She rolled her eyes, why must she be infuriatingly beautiful and brilliant?

"Incredibly Naughty Kitten. When he grows up it will be Cat instead of Kitten." Quill could tell she was proud of herself. She smirked, only because the way River had said 'naughty' seemed to give it a double meaning that didn't relate to the cat.

"How very… you. I may just stick to Ink if you don't mind."

River nodded, "Maybe that would be for the best."

"Remember to feed him at three, Quill. I'll pick the boys up from Ram's on my way home. Try not to kill each other." River pointed with faux severity at Quill who looked up from her laptop to pout, then at the kitten who was far too interested in the laptop's charger that was dangling off the kitchen table.

"Fine, see you later." She gave Ink a gentle nudge with her foot, which turned his attention from the lead to her foot, which earned him a harder nudge that he sent skidding across the floor.

"Bye, Sweetie." After the door closed, River could still be heard sniggering down the path to the car. It was only when the door of the car had closed the air finally fell silent.

Quill eyed the small cat who had found his stick toy and appeared to have completely forgotten about the foot incident and was playing with the fluffy thing that was attached to the toy. Simple creatures, easy life, easily amused and incredibly dull. She shook her head and went back to the lesson planning that she would probably end up ignoring anyway.

Pap. Pap. Pap. Thud.

Pap. Thud. Pap. Hiss

Ink had been playing with that bloody toy for the best part of the last fifteen minutes, and from what she gathered from her murderous glances at him, he's not achieved very much. Not broken it. Not made it into a weapon. Or even choked himself with it – which was slightly impressive and disappointing at the same time.

She had to admit it was at least a little interesting. Well, anything was compared to having to plan lessons for the imbeciles – sorry, the future generation - she had to teach. Procrastination was fun, that was something she had learnt on this planet. Honestly, she hadn't had much time to experience it while she was defending her people.

By this point she was beginning to wonder what cat would taste like, would it taste like this fabled 'chicken'? Who knows, this planet is strange and she was hungry ergo her thoughts. Although, there wouldn't much on this scrap of fur so she discarded that idea and stood up to stretch. During her well-earned stretch, she decided a cup of tea was in order. She grabbed her mug and made a beeline for the kettle.

She had yet to notice that Ink had moved his stick toy in her path, and she only noticed it by standing on it with a reasonable amount of force – and swearing.

At least she didn't drop the mug.

She glared at the offending stick willing it to apologise for being in her way, but neither the stick or kitten made a noise. After a moment of hesitation, she picked it up, the string and fluff swaying.

Ink ran at the fluff and started batting at it while jumping about on his back legs. Quill jerked it away and he chased it and jumped at it. She smirked and did it again, and again.

Stupid animal.

"Charlie, Matteusz, can you grab the shopping for me? Thanks." The boys nodded and started to unpack the boot of the car. River went ahead and prepared herself for the worst before opening the front door. She leant on the door to see if she could hear anything. Muffled words and soft laughter was just audible, she smiled.

Quill didn't hear the front door open. She was too busy lying on the floor belly-down, feet kicking the air and arm outstretched holding the stick toy. She was wiggling it here, there, them here again. She was getting great pleasure out of teasing the kitten, taunting and chastising him for being stupid enough to give her the power to do so.

River walked further into the house, still nothing.

"Come on. Come get it, little shit." Ink pounced. Quill moved, and chuckled.

Charlie and Matteusz walked into the house, promptly being shushed by River and a point in Quill's direction. The boys could barely restrain their laughter.

Matteusz placed his bags on the floor and whipped his phone out of his pocket. To the amusement of all stood by the door, the bag made a sound as it hit the floor which caused Quill to look up abruptly and want to become one with the floor.

There was a flash.

Later that evening a photo of a small black kitten playing with something fuzzy on a string that was attached to a stick held by Quill flipping off the camera could be found on Facebook. With the caption "Absolutely Kitten", courtesy of River.

"River." Matteusz said in a slightly strained voice, "Ink is a nice little cat but-" He sneezed with enough aggression to scare the cat in question and make him run under the table.

"I'm allergic."

"Ah." River looked apologetically at him, then at Quill. "If that's the case-"

She was interrupted by Quill jumping to her feet and practically lunging at Matteusz.

"Suck it up, buttercup. He's staying." She hissed in his face. He nodded quickly, wiped his nose and pressed 'Post Photo'.


End file.
